Surviving the Apocalypse- A Thread
Tom, 38
“I thought there’d be more of a campfire vibe going on, but the other night while the neighborhood was evacuating, I tried to get a chorus of ‘Ring of Fire’ going, and they booed me. Unbelievable!”
Zack, 26
“Trying to keep to a high protein, low-carb diet has been tough. Not impossible, but tough. The guy I’m traveling with keeps trying to get me to eat his potatoes, says it’s starvation that’s the reason my abs are popping. But it’s just jealousy. Surely after the nuclear winter comes the nuclear summer? And who doesn’t want to be ready for that?”
Jeanette, 32
“I didn’t have much of a skin care routine to speak of before it all happened. But, someone showed me that using Gwyneth Paltrow’s pads does wonders for your complexion. They also danced around with her entrails, so I don’t think they were all there. But, the skin care advice still stands!”
Amber, 42
“Honestly, it’s given everyone a chance to reinvent themselves. The other day we met this guy called ‘Gorilla Grip’. Quite an aggressive guy, a bit stabby, carried around a severed penis with him like a safety blanket. Bet he was an accountant, or something like that before it all happened though.”
Rebecca, 52
“No one can look good in actual rags. Fact. But you can accessorize. How else do you think I’ve managed to pull off this look? But, frankly this whole apocalypse has been a disaster fashion-wise.”
Laura & Stephen, 30, 36
Stephen: “Restaurant standards have really nosedived,”
Laura: “There used to be this place in Brentwood that we went to all the time. But, we went there yesterday, and the guy just screamed at us to get out!”
Stephen: “The angry, celebrity chef is so cliché. At some point you have to remember about customer service”
Laura: “Fortunately, there’s quite a good street food movement happening,”
Stephen: “We went to this new guy the other day who does awesome barbecue. Really simple, but tasty food. He tasted just like pork.”
Mark, 24
“It sucks that I never got the chance to tell my boss to go fuck himself. That first day when I didn’t have to drag my ass in, only for him to shout at me was great. Sure, I had to escape a pack of crazed bats. But, it was still pretty great!”
JT, 19
“End of the…? Bro, don’t mess with me. Are you messing with me?…Shit!…I…er…Does that mean the dispensary is closed?”
Zoe, 22
“Some people have a real attitude now. This guy was all like, ‘what skills do you have?’ And I was like, ‘Uh, I’m a content provider’ and he just started laughing!”
Jake, 29
“This guy said the water he’d got was the best, filtered stuff you could get. Sure, there were some smooth notes, and a clean, crisp finish. But, it was cold, and that’s about as good as it got. Finishing the bottle was a chore. I can’t say I’ll be going back…yes I am dehydrated, but I have standards. White Claw for life.”
Bart, 40
“I blame Hollywood. We’re all waiting for some charismatic leader to step through the smoke, bring us all together and lead us forward. But, the closest we’ve got is when some guy trying to sing ‘Ring of Fire’ the other night. But after they cancelled him I surprised if anyone else is going to bother.”
